After reading a post on Reddit, I’ve concluded I’m allergic to McDonald’s, I think. The canker sores and ulcers in my mouth would agree too, which are, according to user123, a result of the salt that's been liberally applied to all their fries. Maybe I’ve reached the age where I can’t handle McDonald’s anymore? Sad.
ANOTHER SEVEN DAYS DOWN as we hurtle towards Christmas and the end of 2020.
Embarrassingly, I've not really taken any photos this past week and have instead concluded the end of November with a litre bottle of Bailey's and a bar of Toblerone.
1. This first image I didn't even take, Jules took it from our flat's living room window in the week, but how amazing was the sky?????? Thanks, Jules.
2. I got a croissant and a cup of tea from a boulangerie near us at the weekend
3. A dumpster in the lake topped with a rogue slice of bread.
Closed tabs: Love knot stud earrings. CeraVe moisturising cream. The best crispy chicken parmesan. Bamboo trousers from AYM. Olaplex No.6. Tiny zodiac studs from Bing Bang. VIB biscuits meaning. Punch needling. Jeffrey Campbell Dagget Western boots.
⭐️ Starface three-week review ⭐️
Skin is slightly on the mend I have to say. I've got small spots here and there but it's not as sore looking as it was around a month ago when it was much worse. I have a pretty solid routine now of cleanser, exfoliating water, moisturiser etc and even use saltwater when my spots get really bad too. It's not perfect but I'm definitely feeling more confident in my skin and I think having a better routine helps this.
Quote for the week 'I have licked the fire and danced in the ashes of every bridge I ever burned. I fear no hell from you' - Nicole Lyons
TILL THE NEXT ONE,
Lauren xo
Two things: Firstly, somehow and someway, this weekend marks my one year anniversary of living in London. I honestly have no idea where the time has gone and mentally I’m still in March. Nonetheless, and to commemorate this momentous occasion, I took a quick dive into my camera roll in order to temporarily relive exactly where I was 12 months ago. What. A. Ride. In between pictures of my now closed office, various snaps of the once dreaded commute, and a few absolutely horrendous selfies I found allllllll the images I had amassed from each flat viewing I went to last November and October.
This was a very painful experience, and sort of like dating I guess. You go in, you take a tour, you say your bit about yourself, they says theirs, you try and be funny, crack a few jokes, you’re not sure if they like you, you’re not sure if you like them and then you leave and hope for the best.
I saw the flat we’re living in now before going to look around a family home in Stoke Newington where, for some reason, the estate agent humoured me and gave me a very in-depth viewing even though we both knew I had no intentions of living there. ‘There’s a hole in the floorboards here but we’re having it looked at’. Great. Anyway, like I said, by that point I’d already seen our flat, I was in love, nowhere else was good enough and here we are today.
Secondly, this weekend also marks the two year anniversary of something of which I am sure I will never fully come to terms with. I've tried many times to define traumatic loss, both when dealing with my own emotions and when discussing things with those closest to me, but I can never quite formulate the perfect sentence. CALM, who if you don't know, are a charity that does a tremendous job at raising awareness around suicide, particularly in males. They have an active helpline, tabs on getting support and many resources on maintaining good mental health during lockdown too.
I also want you to know, dear reader, that you are never alone, not ever. Hold on. The sun will rise again tomorrow, it'll be a new day, a fresh start and we will try again. I am right here with you.
Seven days down, let's do this.
1. The temperature has dropped significantly in London. Here’s me in multiple layers, standing by our electric heater, drying my sheets and drinking a smoothie.
2. I had Wednesday off work so Jules and I went to get these delicious falafel wraps from a place near us. I haven’t had them since the summer and it was such a treat!
3. We’re deliberating about what kind of tree to get this year for the flat, these mini ones are £25 from a local garden centre. What do we think about tinsel?
4. It’s officially Bailey’s season. Did you know you can get Bailey’s red velvet? Neither did I.
5. Today I took it upon myself to dye some trousers and of course, like any sensible person, I wore a pair of yellow Marigolds to protect my delicate hands. Unbeknownst to me the rubber gloves had sustained a lesion when I used them to wash up once and consequently the dye got through the Marigolds, onto my fingers and the rest is history.
Closed tabs: An oversized wool-blend workwear shirt. Fact of fiction: water and acne. CORSX Salicylic acid daily gentle cleanser. BBC News homepage. The Alita: Battle Angel cast. 6 simple ways to reduce water retention. Parcel tracking for Collect+. A picture of a pheasant. A picture of a Leonberg dog. The best chewy chocolate chip cookies recipe from Tasty (they called it 'best' that not me). What causes occasional tooth pain? About the Covid flu jab. Awful Rivers Demita Wall mug from Carhartt. Love knot stud earrings. Where is See filmed? The best crispy chicken parmesan.
⭐️ Starface two-week review ⭐️
Around a month ago I was going through a prettyyy bad patch with my skin, a few deep under the skin spots here and a lot of blackheads there. Now I've implemented a pretty good skincare routine and have noticed my skin is on the mend. It's not going to happen overnight but I reckon after around a month there should be a significant change.
Thought for the week (and something I saw on Pinterest) 'yesterday was heavy, put it down'.
Stay safe out there kiddos,
Lauren xo
Yet, undeterred, I try. Today’s offering is a pair of beige trousers, bought several sizes too large and nipped in at the waist by my favourite tailors, a white turtle neck for warmth, a cream fuzzy cardigan (that looks itchy but isn’t) and a cropped tartan overshirt. The look is then finished off with some very tired Air Force 1s and an overstuffed leather handbag that’s drooping in the middle under the weight of my phone, keys, hand sanitiser, mask, life, etc etc, you know. I usually twist my brunette bob into the grips of a splintered Superdrug claw and pretend I’m Bella Hadid.
As I reach the stretch of houses that lead to the park, and while giving myself a pep talk in the form a podcast about independence fronted by two hilarious females, I keep a keen eye out for other people’s wardrobe picks. It's a plethora of lycra, headbands, fingerless gloves, breath that hangs in the air, the squeaky sound of running jackets, those water bottles shaped like a loop you can clutch as you speed walk, all completed by the exasperated sigh of someone's stride I’ve just unintentionally broken when taking a picture of a nice looking tree.
I wade through orange leaves and feel embarrassed. ‘You should’ve come in your Gym Shark leggings and New Balance trainers Lauren, for Godsake’ I lament as I repeat cuss words into the cold air feeling like I’ve missed some imaginary pre 10am memo. I’m uncool and definitely not active enough to be here, sticking to the outer banks of the park like I’m a newbie swimmer in bright, overfilled armbands. ‘You don’t even own a pair of running trainers’ I remind myself as I stand by the mouth of a puddle to let some experts sashay past me in matching 3M leggings.
Rounding a corner, the park opens up which means seasoned athletes begin to blend with bundled up dog owners whose pets are running feral in the soft mud. This is a sea of shin-length Uniqlo puffer jackets, Dubarry boots, expensive-looking knit hats, jeans tucked into cream knit socks and perfect morning hair that looks unbrushed but we all know isn’t. I’m now feeling even more aggressively overdressed, doubling up my walk as I force a smile at someone’s puppy before catching the eye of its owner and feeling my insides recoil. What am I even doing here?
To feel accepted I pause and take a picture of the lake, which in this spot smells of rotting egg. I'm too embarrassed to figure out the queuing system for the cafe so I spend a while feigning interest in the park's resident wildlife as they thrash around in the water. Oh look, some cygnets. Finding a quiet moment away from incredibly happy looking couples, very fast cyclists and people doing strange stretchers on benches, I muster up the courage to applaud myself (silently) for making such an effort to dress up for this small part of my day. This is my slice of recreation time and I’m not going to waste it as I feel I would if I was still in my flat eating a half cold toasted bagel with butter.
Adjusting my AirPods so as to not miss any important piece of information about learning to love my own company (I do) I remember how I used to put this much thought and consideration into my summer outfits for absolutely no reason other than to wear something nice on a two-mile round trip to Tesco. Though feeling like I've slightly overdone it and a little on the cooler side for this especially chilly November morning in London, I think it's incredibly important to take these small. personal moments of joy where we can. Also, I'm 100% certain the runners a) don't give a shit b) even notice me.
Dear park, I'll be back tomorrow and this time I'm thinking tights and a satin dress, I'll see you then.
Lauren xo
On Friday I made cheese on toast with beans for lunch, which was then closely followed by a lukewarm cheese string that had been out the fridge for too long. I pulled together this award-winning meal after letting out a few dry sobs and listening to Bloc Party.
Other bits:
Despite this confession, its been a good week lets get into it.
1. I went out walking in the week (I’m trying to get out and about every day for at least half an hour) and got absolutely drenched, like soaked. Water was dripping from my nose and I ended up stopping in an alcove to slick my hair back.
2. It feels totally unnatural and alien to say this BUT here’s me and Jules stocking up on booze for the weekend (as well as a selection of crackers and nibbles to accompany the truly horrific films we’ve been watching on Netflix)
3. The fairy lights in my room have been broken for about eight months, so in honour of the Christmas season that is upon us I finally bought some new ones.
4. Shadows in the light in our flat
5. Cute little coffee van in the park with delicious hot chocolate!
Other bits:
1. Could I pull off a beret? Yes.
2. I've reached the earth-shattering realisation that I don't drink enough water. Tbh I already knew this but now I really know so I've bought a water bottle with one of those reminder things on it to tell me how much to drink during the day so I have no excuse.
3. STARFACE update: I'm breaking out quite badly at the moment on my face as no fault of the product (it's a combination of hormones, lack of hydration and stress) but I will say the night exfoliator is really good and is enabling me to feel much better about my skin.
Closed tabs of the week: (I discovered this week that if you have more than 100 open tables on Google Chrome, a smiley face appears at the bottom).
A PDF on living with worry and anxiety amidst global uncertainty that my support counsellor set to me. A phone case from xouxou. A Google search for overshirts. Why do I look bloated when I wear jeans? A review of some personalised Christmas mugs on Etsy. BBC News homepage. Kermit the Frog keyring. Goodhood homepage.
Quote for the week: “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” from my favourite Brené Brown
Stay safe out there kids,
Lauren xo
What a weird week. The past few days have been some kind of strange, dystopic pendulum swing between routinely checking the US election results and clicking on the Coronavirus tab on the BBC News website as we go into a second lockdown.
Now I'm listening to The XX like it's 2009.
1. It's layering season. I'm slowly going to give all my money to Zara and hate myself.
2. The light at around 2/3pm gets really nice in the flat.
3. Squeezing in one more decaf iced latte before it gets truly, truly freezing and I can't stand cold drinks.
4. A sort of tomato sauce with chorizo and cannellini beans I made to compliment the fact that I've become increasingly better at boiling eggs.
5. My skin has been giving me the run around for about a month now. I managed to get it to a good point in the summer but now it's back with a vengeance. I've seen Starface all over social media so caved in and bought the hydro-stars (£12) and Exfoliating Night Water (£10), I'm one day into using them but I'll let you know how it goes. Covering my spots with little star stickers definitely makes me feel better when I look in the mirror tbh.
6. A new girl, as I've mentioned before, has moved in with Jules and I and she bought a mirror for IKEA last weekend so I now have a new selfie spot in the flat.
Closed tabs of the week:
Royal Mail Track and Trace. Columbia Road Flower Market. Mudslide cocktail recipe. Three open tabs of the Starface website. Gold Pearl Drop Choker from Lily & Roo. Four open tabs of BBC news. A picture from last year's bonfire night.
Sorry, it's a short one, busy weekend!
Stay home, stay safe,
Lauren xo
I just did that thing when you're trying to get the last remaining drops of moisturizer from the tube so you unscrew the cap and tentatively squeeze out roughly a fingertip worth; enough to cover your face. Except I didn't do it gently, I used the full force of my thumb and 10 faces worth of product that was lurking in the very limits of the packaging exploded over my hand. I can't put it back in, the nozzle is like the eye of a needle.
November is a tricky month, let's get into it.
I have to say that I have no excuse for the delay of this post, not one, but I am sorry it wasn't on time. I've developed a line of spots that follows the edge of my face mask and I've researched (and been told) that silk masks apparently help with 'maskne'. I'm adding this to the list of things I didn't know I needed to worry about but now do.
1. I saw this from the bus before they announced the new lockdown measures at the weekend. I've already immediately revived my previous lockdown worries from March and it's been a strange few days.
2. Chocolate milk can solve just about anything - just about.
3. My new flatmate (Charlotte) was only able to manage a few nibbles of pizza before fleeing out the door for work.
4. Stood in queue to learn that I know nothing about my skin and will continue to apply body lotion liberally everywhere.
5. I did zilch for Halloween this year. The pumpkin I bought in earnest two weeks early turned to mush. We put it outside in a Tesco bag ready for the big skip in the sky where it eventually became half liquid and half orange gunk.
6. Jules split a basil plant into four smaller pots in an attempt to nurture it but this was wishful thinking.
Other bits:
I've felt very strange these past few days as we dip into a second lockdown. I keep seeing articles titled 'All The Things You Got Wrong in the First Lockdown That you Can Get Right This Time' or 'How This Lockdown is Different'. I just wanted to say, whatever you're feeling, sad, odd, weird, confused, it's all totally valid. Take the time to be gentle with yourself. I was feeling weird this evening so cooked myself a really nice dinner, had a shower, cleaned my room, did some of my online therapy course, acknowledged how I was feeling, tried not to be so excruciatingly hard on myself, made a cup of tea, considered crying and now I'm about to get into bed. It's okay.
Closed tabs of the week:
Vegan beans recipe. BBC news headlines. A Zara shopping bag with two turtleneck tops in it (because you can never have too many). A Vogue article by Annie Lord titled 'Why it's Important to Fancy Two People at Once. A photo from my 16th birthday. What does 'follow suit' mean. How to identify and treat a laundry detergent rash. Jeffery Campbell Dagget western boots (I'm in love). Famous last words meaning. Cacio e Pepe. An Acne Studios belted puffer coat in Mink brown for £800. Hydro-stars from Starface (of which pretty much all their products are out of stock and if I did want something, delivery is £5)
A quote for the week: The writer Anais Nin on how to unlock a bigger, fuller life: "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." (Yes, this is from James Clear's email)
All the very best, stay safe,
Byeeeeeeee,
Lauren x
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