I'm on my way back to London on a quick train (only one stop) and here's what I'm currently thinking about: one time I took a picture (while on a crowded commute) of this black Labrador sat opposite me. There were no seats free so we were crammed into the vestibule - me, the dog and the dog’s owner perched on the permanently damp carpet of a south-west England train. To my horror, I’d accidentally left the flash on when I went to snap the adorable pooch. I apologised immediately but the exchange haunts me to this day.
Okay, now we've relived that horrific moment let's answer the question in today's post: Yes? Because, why not?
12 months ago I would've vehemently disagreed. Past life Lauren thought being vulnerable meant sitting down with a guy and saying: 'well, unfortunately, this happened to me... and then this... and then that... AND then this also happened... and it was bizarre and I'm really just trying to come to terms with it all... is that alright? What do you think? It's awful, isn't it? Oh, God. I don't feel any better for telling you, I don't even know you... I'm going outside to call my parents and I'll probably vomit in an alleyway, can you please watch my bag while I do that?'.
Orchestrated in my head with all the dramatic trimmings, this was something I was not prepared to put myself through, obviously.
Now future, adult, slightly more rational mid-twenties Lauren realises it's not about laying out your entire life story immediately. I mean, it could be if it's the right person I don't know, but for me, honestly, vulnerability means being yourself, as corny as that sounds. Admittedly, first dates can be rather tricky (especially if you met on a dating app, it's basically a blind date) and there's a tendency to want to really impress the opposite party, sniff each other out like dogs and wonder if the guy with the Guinness moustache opposite you will get on with your brothers. It can be so awkward and everyone's so nervous, how can you be yourself? Maybe you throw in a Latin phrase (I've done this, don't do this), maybe you order something you usually wouldn't, maybe you tell them something you wish you hadn't whatever, whatever, whatever, take a deep breath and think, are you there for them or you? Would you be having a good time with you? (Yes, by the way, the answer is always yes).
I told a guy once (on a first date) that I read the newspaper specifically on Wednesday’s because I liked the way the restaurant critic (Fay Maschler) wrote. This was an interaction I later chastised myself for because my admission sounded so uncool. But I really did love reading those reviews in the paper on a Wednesday evening, why did I hate myself so much for mentioning it?
Plus restaurant reviews are great.
Yes? Yes.
Honestly, it's futile not being yourself, pointless, all the tiny things about you that you think are banal or uninteresting all fuse together to form the perfect concoction that is YOU.
Relevant quote: “Never go in search of love, go in search of life, and life will find you the love you seek.”
- Atticus
Goodbye, farewell, until the next one,
Lauren xo
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