I started writing this post when I was on the tube at half seven on Thursday. It was quiet, very quiet but understandably so. Usually crammed full of commuters, tourists and people wanting to get home, when we calmly came to a halt at Liverpool Street there were about three people on the platform. Its been almost a week since I dipped my toe back in the tube travel pool, and I have to say, I'm finding it very unnerving. Everyone was wearing masks, of course, but it still felt surreal.
Another week in my life, let's get into it.
1. Social distancing reminders on the train.
2. A very quiet Liverpool Street station.
3. DRUM ROLL PLEASE I made my own katsu curry sauce! Here is the recipe. It was actually delicious, I let it cook down for a while and it became really thick and yummy. I used store-bought breaded chicken breasts and added sweetcorn and grated carrot. It recommends straining the sauce but until the other day, we didn't' have a sieve so I just used a blender to make it smooth. Yum.
5. Banana bread Jules brought home from work, it was delicious too.
6. Empty Regents Street last weekend after my friend and I went for dinner.
Other bits:
1. I found Jacqueline Colley on Etsy yesterday while looking for some prints for my room. Based in Hackney, her work is great!
2. I've just signed up for the VSCO membership (which is £19.99 for the year) because I was using the KC25 filter for free last week. I've seen you can get custom borders too but I haven't fully figured out how to use it yet. Stay tuned!
Something to think about going forward: "I’ve always had the view that how successful you are is really a function of how you deal with failure. If you deal with failure well and you persist, you have a high probability of being successful."
I am exhausted.
Until the next one,
Lauren xo
This, Dear Readers, is my 300th post.
Welcome.
I’m working in our living room and it smells slightly of off milk coupled with something stale which reminds me of being on an aeroplane. Next to me on the floor is a hastily ripped open box from amazon because I ordered us some sieves last night for the flat. I’ve not worn makeup for three days and it’s so nice to sit here and rub my eyes without worrying if I’m going to fuck up my eyeliner. I caught my nail in the fridge door and I’m chewing off remnants of keratin because the split is just that bit too low.
300
300
300
What makes this a special post?
Hmmmmmmmmm. I need to return an ASOS parcel because I bought an oversized boyfriend shirt (ironic) that makes me look more like a painter having a mid-life crisis and less like a stylish post-royal-family Princess Diana (which I wanted). I also bought a top which ties at either side of my body but it fits me like an A4 piece of paper.
The bunting is on pause for the time being because last weekend completely got away from me. I woke up with a folded C in my bed this morning and, after breakfast, stared at it partially crumpled on the floor as I tried to figure out where it came from.
I’ve found myself listening to a lot of the music I used to play when I was 17/18 - I hope my neighbours don’t mind. It oddly helps me concentrate, and after a few bad anxiety attacks this week, has enabled me to feel a bit more grounded in myself.
300
300
The button on an old ice hockey jersey I’m wearing just ripped through and broke. I felt it pulling earlier in the supermarket when I was buying crusty bread and tomatoes. I think even if I sew it now it won’t help.
Do you ever write something and then read it back and think ‘fuck, I nailed that?'
My friend's perfume makes me feel sick and I'm trying to work out how to tell her.
Does anyone get anxiety before positing a letter?
300
I started this blog in 2016 when I was just a few months shy of turning 21. What a tumultuous and destructive plate I was about to be served. Just now I was putting some butter away in the fridge and decided to give my brain a metaphorical pat on the back for how hard we’ve both worked together to erase so many painful memories. I’m also slightly cursing the organ in my skull for frequently donning a pair of rose-coloured glasses and being an idiot.
Also as this is the 300th post I want to thank my blog, The Lauren Edit, for being my rock, my cornerstone, my silly little slice of the Internet that got me my masters, my first internship, probably my second and most definitely my job AND ultimately, the fuck out of Edinburgh.
Well done 20-year old Lauren, you strong woman.
I actually went back and found my first post, which you can read here, I am as apologetic as ever.
Also, thank you to anyone who has come to read my blog over the years, I hope you have been able to find something in my writing that resonates with you!
To finish, here is my forever quote: “Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women."
- Nora Ephron
Until the next one,
Lauren xo
I've been slopping around the flat this entire weekend wearing the same clothes. Obviously, I've changed at various points: for outings to the park or for quick trips to the supermarket. However, I have practically lived in black shorts, a very oversized orange t-shirt, some white Uniqlo socks (which are a few sizes too big) and a pair of Birkenstocks on the loosest notches.
Another week down as we hurtle towards September, let's get into it.
Just an update on the bunting progress: I'd give it a solid 5 out of 10 right now. It took me the best part of the yesterday to make but I think I've gone for a quote that's too long - I'm attempting 'Sincerely Yours, The Breakfast Club' (scroll to the bottom for a picture) - and I'm realising it's too LONG, it's maybe too big? I had a pressure mark on my hand from cutting out so many's E's. Fuck. Okay, restart.
1. Jules bought a toastie maker so here is my nutritious work lunch (cheese & ham toastie + Dairylea Dunkers).
2. I made this cake at the weekend after some plans got cancelled (I don't know what I was thinking) it looks like Play-Dough.
3. Mark your Tropicana
4. A flyer was in our letterbox from McDonald's so I've added it to our living room wall. What do we think? It's quite conceptual, isn't it? Have you ever seen a McDonald's burger like this in real life? Probably not.
5. Friday afternoon doodles, do you think these drawings look like me? Because they're supposed to.
6. I've marked the table in the living room as my designated workspace so my beloved Birth of Venus jigsaw had to go. Here's one final close up before she was put back in the box.
7. My print from Eva Malley arrived! Look!! So cute, I LOVE IT. Check out her stuff here. I also want to get something from Amy Victoria Marsh when I get around to it.
Other bits:
I almost forgot to mention that I finished my book: Where The Crawdads Sing. Oh my GOddddd you have to read it. So good. It's one of those books that's so good you wish you could erase your memory and read it again. I've just started The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, which has really great reviews so stay tuned for how I get on with that.
How about a quote? (and something I'm trying to bring into my life)
“You must be prepared to work always without applause.” - Ernest Hemingway
Until the next one,
Lauren xo
ANYWAY.
At 4pm, every day, without fail, I hit a metaphorical wall. I slump in my chair and usually go and annoy Jules after making a cup of tea. Today I’m Googling ‘funny party banners’ (and listening to Wolf Alice) in my ten minute Pomodoro Method* break because I want to make one for above my bed. Are craft shops open? I think this is going to my weekend project (which is good because I need to get out and buy some ground ginger). What colour paper should I get? What should it say?
Sweet Dreams?
Fuck Off?
Carpe Diem?
Stormy Weather?
Be Brave?
Take it Easy?
Start Over?
Night Shift?
Not Today?
In Your Dreams?
It’s a coin flip between Night Shift and Sweet Dreams. I’m splitting hairs. Should it read Sweet on one row and Dreams underneath, or all be on one line? The level of detail is stressing me but I really want to plan this properly. Should I make a template for the letters? No - I’m just going to go in freehand. What do we think about pale yellow? It could look great. I know my room has subtle hints of pink but it feels a bit done? Like I’ve nailed the soft pink vibe.
I’m also a little concerned that my room is starting to get overcrowded with the random stuff I’ve collected after living in London for nearly a year, but I think this might be the final addition, then I’ll be good. (Edgy bedroom of an art school graduate who now works in media? Yes, very much so).
Okay, I'm excited about this DIY project, stay tuned for the outcome.
In other news we have water coming through our ceiling when it rains really hard and a bucket in the living room to catch the drips. So there's that I guess.
idk, bye
Lauren xo
*Pomodoro Method - this is a working time management thing I’m trying to utilise which breaks down my day. I do 50 minutes followed by a ten minute break, then take an hour for lunch if I can. (I’m not sure if this is right but this is how I’m doing it).
The haircut happened today. I'm transformed; I feel amazing. I have new jeans on, I'm ready. Everyone was wearing face coverings, myself included, so I didn't get to see my hair properly till I got home. Trusting the British summertime, it actually started to rain before my trim was even over. I then had to leg it to the bus stop using a knitted cardigan as an umbrella.
Another wild week in my life, let's do it.
Second week back at work and I spent it sweating in our poorly ventilated London flat. I was just going through my camera roll looking for some nice pictures and it's a stream of endless selfies where I am perspiring uncontrollably.
I have missed work so much, honestly, so much.
1. Working in a cafe for the first time since lockdown started.
2. Look at this sky. (I was on my way to the park and I can't even remember what for)
3. The government Eat Out to Help Out is scheme is on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's to encourage people in the UK to go out to restaurants again. Jules and I had two tacos each, a side of pinto beans and shared nachos for £12.80. (Yes this is the exact same order I had last weekend, I've hit my DF Tacos quota for the month I am aware)
4. Weekly decaf iced latte from my favourite local coffee shop.
5. Em's £8 beans on toast + an almond croissant
6. THE HAIRCUT (I'm very glad I got my mop sorted, my hairdresser told me I'd done a good job with cutting my fringe but I think he was just being nice)
Other bits:
1. This Throwing Fits Jonah Hill podcast episode
2. I follow @evamalleyart on Instagram after seeing her create some prints on TikTok. She released a few art pieces on Friday and I'm so glad I could buy one! Check her store out here.
3. PAUSE. I just legit plucked a one-inch hair from my neck. AT LEAST one inch. I'm disgusted. Like fully, growing from my throat. My God. And I had no idea?!
4. I had a work call in the week hosted on Google and I was quickly eating a KitKat at the beginning and no one told me that part of it had melted onto my FACE.
Quote for the week before I goooooo: "When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love" - Marcus Aurelius
Until next time,
Lauren x
Right, okay, so not to toot my own horn or anything but I’ve actually become quite good at this whole cooking thing during lockdown. I’d say four months ago I could just about put together an edible bolognese or lasagne, just about. These were things I’d make in advance on the weekend so I could easily freeze and eat them later down the line after a random gym session or whatever. Bland, poorly seasoned and usually a bit gross I haven’t cooked either of these meals since my skills have improved dramatically.
Now you can find me in the kitchen whipping up a carbonara, or maybe a chicken pie, or maybe a vegetable curry, or maybe even some salmon with a paprika crust cooked in honey (sounds a bit weird but I promise it isn't). I finally have the time to shop for the right ingredients, to let things cook properly and most importantly, the belief that what I’ve made will turn out alright. (Albeit sometimes it can go a bit tits up). There are days, of course, when Jules and I get takeout, or I might want something quick (like just pasta and cheese ha) or on occasion, I might have some frozen chicken goujons that I want to eat. However, however, 8 times out of 10 I will cook from scratch, thoroughly enjoying the process as well as the satisfaction I get from putting together a nice meal. I've come a long way.
Trigger warning. Also, I am speaking very openly about topics which are difficult for me to come to terms with still and I apologise in advance if anything I mention is upsetting to read
It would be a gross understatement to say that I’ve always had a fantastic, functioning, loving, stable and healthy relationship with food. When I was younger, eating for me was like a complex minefield. Battling the ‘if I eat I feel sick and if I don’t eat I feel sick’ cycle as I progressed into my twenties, I struggled with dining out, dining at home, large plates of food, strong-smelling food, swallowing food and the process of preparing food itself. It's a tricky one because when you're in it, you don't realise how bad it is, and most of the time (my parents excluded) the people around you don't notice.
I wish I had a magic formula to share with you to make it better, but I don't.
I often stand in my kitchen in London and think about how bad it was, arms deep in some cooking attempt that could go right or wrong, imagining what my younger self would say to me if she could see me now. On the other side of it, I think it would be slightly too easy for me to tell you that I just grew out of what I was going through because I didn't, not really. It took a long time and involved me pretty much retraining myself to eat regular meals at regular times while getting my anxiety and panic attacks under control. (I had counselling during this time which I highly, highly recommend). There were (and still are) really tough days, migraine filled days, days where I felt sick but was never actually sick, days where I ate enough and days where I still didn't.
Then, after what felt like months of walking around with plastic bags hidden inside every bag I own, I found myself in a restaurant not thinking about where the toilets were in case I wanted to be sick; nor was I deliberately picking places where I knew the menu off by heart so I could eat ‘safe meals’ (food I was able to consume without worrying if I was going to be seeing it later on). Even typing that out now feels bizarre, and makes me sad, desperately sad. Sometimes I remember the really hard, super, dark tricky days (which I won't get into) but I am so proud to be where I am now, having developed a much healthier relationship with food, and myself :-)
I try and be frank myself when I talk about it, and honest with other people too. This has enabled me to feel less shame while also giving my friends and acquaintances a space to talk about their issues because chances are people are going to know exactly what I'm talking about anyway. I also try and be frank with myself when I think about it, separating my anxiety from my relationship with food.
Finding a passion for cooking during quarantine has been a saving grace, and I go into each week thinking of different recipes I can follow or try out. Handling food, tasting the ingredients as I go and heading to the shops to buy different things is a past time I look forward to.
Goodbye, I'm gonna go demolish a bacon bagel.
Lau-ren xo
P.S. It gets better, I promise.
(It's GOD KNOWS how many degrees in London but I just decided to mix together the batter for a load of double chocolate cookies. I bought milk chocolate chips earlier in the week and they've somehow congealed, in the confines of my kitchen cupboard, to form this sort of weird looking gloop...)
I apologise for not splitting the week up with an exciting post but I got too *~\\busy//~*
Another crazy week in my crazy life. Let's get into it.
Actually, wait before we start, I had my first week back at work after four months of furlough here in the UK. Its really flown by, honestly. I'm shocked. From remembering when the parks shut to not being able to see my family, from dodging public transport to not venturing beyond a mile from our flat, Jules and I somehow, miraculously, managed to fill 16 weeks of unstructured mornings, afternoons and evenings, both unsure if or when we were going to return to employment.
I think there's a sort of slight misconception that I've been on holiday? Or had this time to do some intense soul searching while starting 14 side careers. When in-fact my anxiety hasn't been as bad as it is right now for almost three years. Its been a tough one.
(I just used micellar water to remove my makeup and my face is burning)
1. This is my attempt at making an office desk in my bedroom, including the beautiful roses I picked up last week at the market. As you can see on the right-hand side, I've tried to hide/move all my usual items so it felt less like a vanity desk and more like an office. It sort of worked. Also, look at the undefeated morning combination of iced milky coffee? Latte? Rice Krispies and cold water.
2. An evening of reading in the park. I've nearly finished Where The Crawdads Sing and its been SO good that I don't want it to end.
3. Jules' addition to our door buzzer. WEAR YOUR MASK.
4. Decaf iced latte while I try and adjust to the heat.
5. My treat for the week because I deemed it too hot to stand over the oven and cook. I got buttermilk chicken tacos, pinto beans and nachos. Honestly incredible.
OTHER BITS:
1. This Ted Talk on depression is essential, I might watch it again.
2. This Vogue article on relationships by Annie Lord which includes the quote: "Some things are difficult to run away from. They come back and find you anyway" *thinks deeply about one's life*
3. This blog piece about someone doing a complaint detox
4. I feel personally attacked by a pair of Weekday high waist jeans I bought that I couldn't get over my thighs which I now have to return.
5. What do we think about the cable knit sweater vest trend going around at the moment?
A THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK FROM THE DAILY STOIC BOOK that I should be reading in small nibbles, but instead I'm just flying through it all one go. “How many have laid waste to your life when you weren’t aware of what you were losing, how much was wasted in pointless grief, foolish joy, greedy desire, and social amusements— how little of your own was left to you." - Seneca
Until the next one,
Lauren xo
I was cutting down some roses I bought from the market earlier when I stepped on a rogue thorn that had dropped onto the floor. Yelping, I held my foot in my hands as I plucked the spike from my big toe. The reason I wasn't wearing any shoes at home, usually my Birkenstock's, was due to the fact they've started giving me blisters on the insides of my feet and I've never known such betrayal. Before you ask, yes I do have a baby plaster covering the wound.
WHAT A BUSY SEVEN DAYS IT HAS BEEN. Let's get into it.
1. Tate Modern reopened on Monday and Emily got us both tickets for the free bits. You have to book to go into the art gallery now, in case you were planning on going, you can't just wander in anymore (obviously). We went to the top and worked our way down because the exhibitions were laid out in a one-way system that led us through everything. It was so nice to be surrounded by art oh my GOD.
2. I went home on Tuesday for a much-needed break.
3. Friday was such a scorcher in London, I met Jules after she'd finished work and this is a photo of a Lemony Lemonade I was drinking. Karma Cola is also really good.
4. This is the third Glossier Balm Dotcom I've bought in the last six months because I keep losing them. I swear by this stuff, but the other scents/flavours give me a rash haha.
5. I met my brother and his girlfriend in the park yesterday. She convinced me to try out longboarding for the first and last time.
6. Pistachio ice cream! Delicious
7. The incredibly beautiful roses I bought from the market today. I spent longer snipping the stems and arranging them (while on facetime with my mum) than I did walking to the market and buying the flowers. I think there's something so romantic about strolling through London with a bouquet of roses in your arms? Like I'm coming from a date? But I'm not? I bought the flowers for myself.
Other bits:
1. I was really impressed with the safety precautions at Columbia Road Flower Market today (I've never been before though). You had to queue at one end and they were letting people in a sort of drip-feed/steady flow. There was also only one way in and one way out, so you couldn't really go back? I got these roses and left. Two bunches for £10!
2. I start back at work tomorrow (hence the flowers, I'm trying to do something special with my room/now at home office). I've not really mentioned it on here, but I've been on the UK's Furlough scheme forrrrr almost five months? Is it? To be honest I've lost track of the days. I'm excited to be back though!
3. I'm going to try and make fish tacos in the week so stay tuned for that.
Thought for the month/ something I'm working on: "Stop explaining yourself and telling people everything. You owe no one an explanation of what you do. Your life is yours, not theirs" (I found this quote on Pinterest, not sure who said it)
We're in August? Jesus Christ, wish me luck at work!
Lauren xo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons