I have thought long and hard about coming back to blogging. I actually attempted to write a post seven months after getting back from Canada which makes this entry overdue by X, Y, Z amount of days. I’ve missed writing on here and I haven’t. I’ve often wondered if anyone reads it (hi Mum) or if anybody looks through the carefully strung together memories of an incredibly scared young woman, despite the positive words I was sharing.
After I left Edinburgh I healed and I suppose I felt like I didn’t need to blog anymore. I kept posting for sure, but I wasn't the same person (and that was a good thing). I believe that sometimes we suddenly find our calling, you know, like in those beyond shitty situations, we find us, a strength we never knew we had. A resilience, a superhuman power. There we are, when it's the worst, the pits, it really sucks. We cling to whatever it is that makes us feel 1% real for however many minutes in the day and we, miraculously, spin it into something amazing. Well, that was this blog and I owed it to myself to grab onto it with both hands and never let go. Following my heart lead me to write and I was later awarded a Distinction in my Fashion Journalism Masters. I gave myself the clean slate I so desperately wanted, found an amazing job and met people that have encouraged me and supported me in a way that I never would have dreamed was possible.
I turned 25 last week and it was like a physical marker in the sand between myself and the girl I was in my early twenties. To be able to age, to grow, to learn and to love is something I will always be grateful for.
As for why I’m back, and for however long it may be for this time, I think I just need to be here, for me, again. These are uncertain times, and I’m trying to recognise that it’s normal to be scared, as we all are. Navigating the more challenging days requires an intense resilience from all of us and it’s important to take stock of what we have, be thankful for our health, the health of our loved ones, to be able to wake up each day and try and try again.
“…throw roses into the abyss and say: ‘here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Stay safe and stay indoors (but still go for isolated walks, if you can!)
It's good to be back,
Lauren x
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